Okay, I’ll admit we were very attached the Heartland, the Canadian series about the human horse relationships. Each week we witnessed the profound connection Amy forged with a so called troubled horse. In a short time in the ring the distressed horse would join up or come over to Amy on their own accord. It looked like the horse could sense Amy’s gentleness, her authenticity and her interest in creating a equal connection. I say equal because they each brought themselves into the relationship.
The horse is a prey and a herd animal. As prey, he or she are on the lookout for threats and can sense them as much as a half mile away. Their brain is always in the fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode. As a herd animal though, they are looking for an attachment and interest in bonding. The horse brain is similar to the traumatized human brain which by virtue of past trauma can get stuck in the lower brain mode of fight, flight, freeze of fawn but we also come wired for attachment. We need that very early attachment to survive. We come into the world dependent on others response to us. Horses can sense our internal response.
When meeting the horse Brigid encouraged us to do the same, get in touch with our inner physical and emotional sense and calm down so they feel like they can connect with us. Brigid, talking softly to the horse, let him know that she was putting a lead on him so we could walk over to the ring. She hooked up the horse and handed me the lead. I tentatively take the rope while introducing myself to Frenie. I began to move forward. The 1000 pound horse stood still, not moving an inch. I stopped two steps in front of him and then came back to stand next to him. I think he sensed my reticence to take over from Brigid. I stood next to his head and pet his mane. I told him who I was and suggested were in this together. I found myself saying words that I say to my students, “we are in this together.” I took a deep breath, listened for my heart and stayed right next it him. I took a baby step forward and so did he. We slowly progressed down the snowy path into the ring that was surrounded by the snow covered Rockies. Once there Brigid came over and took the lead off each horse. She suggested we stay with our horse and walk around the ring together. I went carefully back to Frenie so he could see me approaching and kept speaking in a low, friendly tone, paying attention to his response and sensing my own. He picked that beautiful head up, I started walking and he followed on his own. We walked the ring together.
Brigid bought us to the center and asked for a volunteer to see if we could ‘join up’ with Frenie. Maura volunteers. She talks softy, breathes calmly. He takes a tentative step forward and slowly comes to Maura. This is called a join up. She pets his muzzle and welcomes him. Maura then turns next to him and walks with him. They begin to walk together. He picks up his head and notices Madelyn and I standing in the center of the ring. He comes over to nuzzle with us. We are all in this together. It does seem like he can sense our interest in connecting and he is willing to connect with us.
We slowly rub his coat, I place my hand softly in his mane and whisper how glad I am to know him. His ears are forward. He is taking it all in.
I am reminded of being with students where I do attend to them but don’t pay as much attention to my own inner response. I had said that to Brigid, “I am used to a student focus but then don’t stay with my own response. I’ll pay more attention to both the students and myself and notice what happens." Active coping by using my own calm, Building on my strength of attending to others moods and Cultivating connections with this big friend, these are the ABCs of resilience. My equine connection is an opening to learn what it is like to be in a relationship together. Next time I am out west I am heading for Longmont, CO to learn more about Equus Libre from my new friends.
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